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Her face was blackened, hair heavy with ash and dust, her kimono scorched and in tatters.
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Today I had the privilege of being a witness to one of the proudest moments in my good friend’s life: his first condom purchase. Having finally acquired a red head from the rugby team to make love to under the sycamore tree, Donatello found himself in the need for anything resembling a Glad bag.
Straight out of Boston College a duo of freshmen are tearing through beats in their dorm rooms. Plaid button-ups, Reebok Pumps, skinny jeans and MLB fitted hats, they don’t look like your average rappers. But their lyrics are dope and their flow is tight. They have a style that combines both intellect, college life, and satire. Recently they’ve done a remake of Party in the USA (It’s a Party if There’s Alcohol) and Make Her Say. Check the Imperial Convoy out of Youtube and watch out for their upcoming mix-tape: The Freshmen Fifteen. Until then, remember, “Jesus turned water into wine, that’s tight, but I can turn a college loan into Bud Light.” Enjoy.
My friend has a thing for women we describe with the word “panda”. This describes a past pleasantly plump woman who becomes increasingly hotter as the drinks increase. Sometimes the pursuit of Panda, or Panda Watch, can lead to indescribable consequences. I’m not talking about a baby. Hide your tables, or Pandas will surely end the opportunity to play ruit. Here is a Panda in its natural habitat.
I hear when Tiger crashed his Escalade (hollaaah) he was jamming to this masterpiece. He’s always coming home at five in the morning, with more lingering Armani Diamond perfume than a French whore. It’s only a matter of time before things caught up with him.
Allegedly, Elin has requested to smell Tiger’s 9 iron on multiple occasions. With the media attention he is getting two weeks after the issue surfaced, it seems Sportscenter wants a whiff too. Back off Hannah Storm; the PGA stud only goes for real blondes…
Probably not the sharpest tool in the shed, but the guys does run a 4.46 40 yard dash with the body of a samoan warrior.
Listen to his responses; his ability to read is being reviewed by the booth as we speak.
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The next up and coming rapper: RayWilliamJohnson
Pinchin a loaf out one end and spittin phat rhymes out the other. Don’t act like you don’t do it, bro. When dropping the kids off at the pool you might as well explore the creative space of the Can.
Shes either a double flusher or doesnt wipe. You decide.
My Bro, Lets call him Bundy, was over last night and totally took down our Bro Monkeys girl. Not that Bro but he redeemed himself by givin MARYMAC69 (her twitter name, Follow her) the “forbidden” man on top 69. He was straight plunging her throat with the ass cheeks spread in her face. Pretty graphic I know but really entertaining for the rest of us. So if you and your Bros want to utterly disrespect a loose broad get on top and give her the plunger.
All the Bros out there should experience some big ol Tittis but on your own terms. I don’t want you all getting tricked so I think this educational Video can help all the Bros out there who don’t already know the difference between a natural sweater muffin, a big old silicon fun bag and a bag of sand.
This looks like something that could take over college dorms late night. Or this could become a very legitimate way to resolve any sort of dispute. I full advocate trying this, although its probably something I’d never do myself. I’m sure that a bunch of kids are going to watch this video, try it, and break their necks. Brosblog is not liable for any deaths or injuries that may come from trying this. But seriously try it.